Marriages in the New India

As part of my pursuit to meet new people here, I went out a few weeks ago with a friend from the US to watch the Indian Premier League (IPL) semi-finals.  A few other people were also there.  And I am happy to say I made a friend with whom I am now having some great conversations.  No, there is no option of a romantic relationship with this woman.  I expect us to be good platonic friends.  While the lack of finding a potential girlfriend is disappointing and the search continues, the result is positive in a city where I want to, more than anything, just meet good people.  That will lead to positive things happening.

It’s interesting how Rita (name changed to protect the innocent) and I started talking.  I called her to find out about another gal who had also come to the happy hour get-together.  It turns out her friend is married.  So there goes that.  I meet a cute girl and she turns out to be married.  But this gave Rita and I an opportunity to talk and we have been doing so regularly the past few days.

Rita had a love marriage five or six years back.  It didn’t work out and she had a divorce just two months ago.  She sounds very much at peace with it in the sense there don’t appear to be deep scars as a result of it.  In a recent conversation, Rita and I were talking about my responsibility towards my family.  I have financially supported my mother and sister the past few years.  I recently paid for my sister’s wedding (yes, the whole shabang, which would probably be a good set of posts to write about).  It’s not insignificant in that providing financial assistance has meant sacrificing my own life, my own standard of living in the US to below par, and my own professional and career plans (I suppose this would be a good post at some point also).  My obligations to my family have been full and complete – from their day to day living expenses to paying for my sister’s education to everything in between.  Rita found this interesting.  She complimented me stating that I was a “rare” individual who should be commended. 

As we diverged from one topic to another, we started talking about her friends’ marriages.  I was very intrigued by the discussion.  It gave me an understanding of issues I was not aware of.  Or, more accurately, it raised a whole host of questions for me personally in my quest for a lifelong partner in India.  These issues are clearly prevalent today.  They are in the minds of my generation men and women.  These are anecdotal insights from one individual and I am taking them as such for their instructional value.  They may or may not be an across-the-board reality though.

Rita made a few points:

• There are many examples of love marriages breaking up.
• The recent societal change of women working has led to financial disasters between couples.  Many are not equipped to deal with the change.
• The key issues, all linked, seem to be: the right women have over their incomes, what to do with the income of wives, who is expected to financially pay for a household, how are finances discussed and managed with two sources of income being more prevalent?
• Husbands and wives may not even be aware of their spouse’s salaries!
• Women want freedom to spend as they wish.  Husbands may be controlling the spending of their wives.  Wives may consider this as their husbands requiring approval which they do not appreciate.

Rita gave me examples of four couples.  One of them had what she considered a balanced approach to things.  Others did not and the situations varied in extremity.  I will discuss the points above separate posts.