Pursuing for the Sake of Pursuit?

In a continuation from my last post, because I had nothing better to do, I was browsing the profile of women in the US on this matrimonial site.  Of course, I found a few who would be of interest.

One of the girls I contacted replied back.  We have shared preliminary emails and had a long online chat the other night.  I had suggested I could call her.  She preferred to not talk on the phone quite yet.  So we typed and typed. 

She’s very educated and full of ideas and opinions.  I could certainly have meaningful conversations with her and that’s a great plus.  She’s a self-described highly independent woman, which of course was a major surprise to me!    She’s also quiet liberal as far as a few of her views.

I don’t feel like giving her a name but this referring to her as “she” also sounds a bit weird.  So I better give her a name.  Hmm.  How about Kanika?  Yes, let’s go with that.

Kanika has a strong opinion on gender roles in marriages.  She questions almost every tradition as she put it to me.  She believes in clear division of labor.  The more interesting thing is her views on children.  And, to take it a step further and be more precise, biological children.  First, she questions if she wants to have children at all.  Second, if she does have kids, she is strongly leaning towards adoption.  Kanika feels its better to adopt children who need loving homes rather than bring a child into the world.  She also feels couples can help children without having their own.  Resource-wise, they can travel instead.

It’s been a while since I heard from someone that they don’t want to have children at all.  I have spoken to women who are interested in adopting though.  I think there’s a growing population of women who feel that way.  I told her I had mixed feelings about the whole thing. 

I think there’s something about having children of your own.  It’s not so much about passing on my genes I don’t think, at least not directly.  Heck, with the kinds of diseases my family has had (diabetes, hypertension, glaucoma, etc), I would be doing a favor to humanity to not pass those genes on.  To me, there is something about the whole notion of “your own blood”.  Some will argue, what does that mean!  I say, it means, they’re my blood and everything that that implies!  

I also told her that I do agree that it is a sad where so many children are living in poverty.  They need the help for sure.

The interesting thing is that I am finding myself compromising on this issue already.  I am a practical guy.  I know how old I am.  I know how it gets tougher to meet people as you get older also.  But am I doing myself justice by compromising on having children?  Or, should I really think about it and examine why I really want to have them?  Do I need to have them?  Or is that an academic exercise best left alone to academics and I should proceed with what married people do.

Then there’s the whole issue of gender roles.  Being a guy, we typically don’t question traditional roles because it means we don’t have to do a lot of things.  Quite frankly, it’s to our advantage.  Women naturally question these issues more because they’ve seen how it was in our parents’ generation.  So here’s another issue that doesn’t seem ideal.

Then the big question is – why am I still talking to Kanika?  Why do I want to talk to her?  Yes, there are definite pros.  She’s very well educated and can have meaningful conversations.  Kanika doesn’t seem to be superficial.  She likes the kinds of cities I like.  In fact, she asked me where I would want to live and gave me her preferences also.  Clearly, she was matching that up to see if it worked for her, which I think it did, and I was too.

Am I compromising too much?  Is this what a lot of people do?  If not, do those people remain single?  Have I come to a point where I am okay with a woman that meets basic general criteria and not the majority of them? 

Am I pursuing for the sake of pursuit?  Rationally, Kanika and I have some major differences.  So why do I want to talk with her?  Is it because I’m lonely and I’d rather settle with someone who seems to have some things that match even if there are glaring mismatches also?  Or is this how things are anyway and this is not “settling”?

Anyway, if Kanika and I continue to have more conversations, I’ll let you know how they go.