Simplicity in Mussoorie

Ever since I can remember, I have heard of “Mussoorie“.  It was almost a mythical place in my mind.  It was amazingly beautiful – the hills, the mall, the waterfall.  It was the epitome of peace and quiet, a place of solitude surrounded by greenery.

When you have those kinds of expectations, it’s unlikely they will be met.  And they weren’t.  Mussoorie was gorgeous, don’t get me wrong.  The hills, the greenery, the crispness in the air, it was all what I wanted and expected.  It just wasn’t as much as I had envisioned.  I didn’t go everywhere, I left a few places for a visit at another point, maybe with a significant other.

Of the places I visited, I thought Kempty Falls was interesting.  Actually, before I continue, I think I should make a general statement: whenever I use words such as “awesome”, “interesting”, “gorgeous”, or ”beautiful” to describe a place in India, I sadly have to say it doesn’t have the same strength of meaning as if I was using those words to describe places in the United States.  There is “beautiful” in Mussoorie and there is “beautiful” in Yosemite.  I explain that in order to be honest, but in a gentle way.  I do say it, though, with definite disappointment, maybe even embarrassment.  In fact, I did have both those emotional responses on my trip (and on other trips within India thus far).

To continue – Kempty Falls is about 10 to 12 kilometers down from the city.  Driving downhill means driving slowly.  The roads are not adequately barricaded on the sides.  If you lose control, and you’re driving even somewhat fast, I don’t think they will stop your car from going over.  At least that’s the thought that constantly went through my head.  So I was driving very slow.  Some would say that’s uncharacteristic of me.  But then they wouldn’t understand that I do drive based on what I feel is safe.  I may push the boundaries where I think they can be pushed, but certainly not where I don’t feel comfortable doing it.  Driving to and fro hill stations in India is one of those places.

The falls is not that large by itself.  I won’t compare it to others I have seen but I have to admit the thought does go through your mind.  You just decide not to focus on the comparison so you can enjoy what you are seeing now.

At the bottom is a giant pool where you see many kids and adults playing with tubes.  Unsurprisingly, most adults are men.  Even most kids are males but the discrepancy is not that large.  Women in India traditionally do not show skin in public and bathing in a pool would be a big no no.

On the way to Kempty Falls is a place called Lake Mist.  When I saw the name on a map at the government sponsored tour office half the way up the mountains, I told myself I was definitely stopping there.  It didn’t escape my notice that the tour guide was not focusing on it as a site to visit.  He was not encouraging in his response to my strong interest either.  The place was supposed to have boating!  A lake with boating!  In the hills!  How big that must be!  You could stop there for lunch also,in fact, a picnic.  On the green grass.  In the moutains.  Right?

When I got to Lakemist, I understood why the guide was reluctant.  It really isn’t anything at all.  Really.  Lunch is very reasonable and not too bad either – I got daal, sabzi, chaval, and roti for Rs. 100.  The boating isn’t nearly what I had in mind.  And the guide at Lake Mist was so enthusiastically wanting me to take a ride – he preferred I do it before the meal.  I, very gently, told him that I wasn’t a child, it wasn’t for me.  I was so good I convinced him that is why I didn’t want to do it.  Of course, the reason had nothing to do with that – I was in fact thinking I may take a ride and take a dip in the water also.  The picture to the right will explain why that was not possible though (the boat is a little further down, but the water is the same).

The good thing about me is that I have low expectations of most things while being very optimistic.  Sometimes, even when my expectations seem high, they’re in reality not that high, it’s just me getting excited like a kid would.  I am also generally very easily pleased.  And/Or, to be more precise, I almost always find a bright spot, a silver lining.  My trip was not what I expected.  But I still very much enjoyed getting out of the city, out of Delhi, away from home.  I needed the reprieve and I got it.  I had heard of this mystical place since I was a child.  I had now seen it (or at least parts of it).

I have not finished my description of Mussoorie or the rest of the trip though.  The adventure continues in the next post.

Dehradun Hotel Adventure

I took a trip to one of the famous hill stations in India two weeks ago: to Mussoorie!  First, I stopped at Dehradun.  This post will be about the one night I spent there since it was an adventurous one!  I stopped in town mostly because a good friend is from there and I felt like I should at least stop for a night if nothing else.  Why?  I don’t know, I just felt I should, so I did.  It was her town and how could I not have stopped?

Dehradun did not have much construction going on on the roads.  Wherever I have gone in India so far, the roads are full of bricks, dirt, and equipment.  The town did have quite a few hotels that were being built though, I do have to say that.

My impression of Dehradun – small town, small roads, but quite commerical.  I am sure it was not that way before.  I wasn’t there during the day and I didn’t spend much time there to really get a feel of the place.

The hotels are getting expensive!  I was travelling right at the end of peak season so the cost was on its way down but not quite there yet.  A few hotels were for USD 60 to USD 90 and not nearly at the level of quality you would expect to pay for a hotel for that amount in the US.  I think that’s part of what is happening throughout India.  A lot of “high end” hotels are being built and they are charging US rates but the quality is not comparable.

The hotel I ended up staying at was because the guy promised me internet access.  He said he “guaranteed” it would be working.  Of course, after 10 minutes, it stopped working.  I called the receptionist to be told that it wasn’t their fault, it was on the back end.  This is something I’ve found with almost any customer service representative in India.  They promise the world to you.  Yet, the company doesn’t always deliver, if ever.  Don’t get me started on Airtel!

Having no internet to each email, I decided to watch TV.  And then the cable died.  I again called the receptionist.  He sent a guy up to my room, he fiddled with the box for a while but couldn’t get it to work.  And, THEN, he tells me that all TVs weren’t working – after 5 minutes of playing with the one in my room suddenly all the TVs weren’t working!  Why couldn’t he have said that upfront?  It’s funny now but wasn’t so much then.

The night couldn’t end yet.  I decided to turn on the air conditioner.  Now, you don’t really need it but I was used to using one at home so I figured why not see if I can get it to work.  This was also a big item the guy was selling me on when I was deciding where to stay.  And, surprise surprise, the AC stopped working after about 20 minutes.  The fan was running, but the compressor wasn’t.  So it was just blowing air.

I called the receptionist yet again and he sent the same guy up to my room he had before.  You see, these guys are jacks of all trades.  The guy played around with the buttons and couldn’t get the AC to function.  He then took the remote and tried to get it to work with that.  Seeing no success, he decided to change the batteries.  No luck there either!  At least I give him kudos for thinking of changing the batteries in the first place.

That isn’t the end of it.  Somehow, the whole thing was MY fault.  I had requested a room away from the main road so it was a bit quieter.  The manager agreed without any hesitation, very proudly taking me up to my room.  By the time we figured out that the internet, TV, and AC were not working, the blame had shifted to my shoulders because I wanted to be away from the noise of the roads!

This is another thing to notice about Indian customer service – no matter what it is, the representative will somehow shift the blame onto you.  Sometimes its direct.  Other times, it’s subtle at the beginning and then more direct right at the end of the conversation, before they leave or right before they hang up the phone!  People want to be so helpful to you that they blame whatever it is you are discussing onto you!!  It’s not their fault, it’s our (as in their and mine) fault, let’s compromise and share the blame!!

So, the internet didn’t work.  The cable was dead.  The AC compressor wasn’t functioning.  I guess I should have stayed at one of the other hotels instead of this one where it only cost me USD 40 for the night.

Starter Conversations Over Internet Chat

I had a chat with Kanika this morning.  She replied to an email I had sent her on Myers Briggs.  In my simplicity, I thought it would be fun to “get to know” her by going through our MBTI profiles together.  She felt it would be uncomfortable to be analyzed in that manner with someone she didn’t know.  I was caught by surprise in the strength of how she said it.

Actually, and here is the problem, our conversations are through chat.  Having never met anyone or talked to anyone over the phone where you get multiple senses of input, I really do not like chat or email as a way to start conversations.  It is very limited and leads to a high degree of misunderstanding, at least as far as I am concerned.  I had requested Kanika to talk on the phone initially but she preferred chat so we went with that.

I sent her an email this morning after our talk indicating I am unsure how we should proceed.  I told her that I liked her profile, was uncomfortable with our chats, and unsure if it was our medium of communication or if there was a disconnect between us.

I also told her I think she and I can have great intellectual conversations but I was not sure about the emotional side of things.  Physical chemistry cannot be determined until one meets (and it gets stronger over time as you get closer to someone).  Spiritual chemistry takes a lot of getting to know the other person and what it is they want and expect, out of life, out of each other.

My main points were: I am unsure how I feel about her (which is understandable since we have only had two chats online), I do not want to talk via many more chat sessions, and I would prefer to talk to her on the phone (and I would gladly call her and that it was inexpensive).  I asked her to let me know how she wants to proceed.

Maybe I was too quick to speed things up.  Maybe I should be more patient.  Maybe I’m just tired of being alone and therefore my approach isn’t as thought-out as it should be.

An Update on Rita

As we all know, what appears to be the case initially may not be the case in reality!  This is in regards to my post about Rita.  The last two weeks or so have shown to me that indeed she does have scars as a result of her marriage and divorce.  Experience tells me (and you) that there would be some baggage.

Rita is on Orkut and she has posted a few notes there.  The latest one says that she “hates everything”.  In the context of her somewhat bizzarre behavior recently, I am inclined to think she means it and it’s accurate right now – she does in fact hate everything.

A few times, casual questions by me, got responses that were a bit over the edge.  “I told you already”.  “Don’t you listen?”  “Don’t you remember we discussed that?”  There are a few other interesting comments like that.  At the risk of presumption, I would not be surprised if some of these were issues she faced with her ex.

Another interesting but strange situation is that Rita may know another friend of mine.  I met this girl, Girl X, through Orkut.  There was a social group on cigars and I decided to find out about it so I emailed Girl X to find out more information.  She and I stayed in touch over a few months although we only met very briefly for 2 minutes one night as she and I were departing from nearby lounges.

The fact that the two of them may know each other is not interesting.  The fact that they initially started to “play” around with me is!  Words in a conversation with one would be repeated by the other.  Verbal gestures (“hmm”) would creep up in both conversation simultaneously whereas they hadn’t in any previous interaction.  They would call me or SMS me at the same time.  It was all very interesting and a bit peculiar and strange.  Why hide the fact that they know each other?  What are they not disclosing to me?

So I decided to put it to an end by addressing it directly.  I asked them both if they knew each other.  I then specifically decided to tell both I was on the phone with the other.  When I was sending an SMS, I decided to ask if they were both hanging out.  I think they got the message, though I had to go beyond the direct route, to where they have stopped now.  I hope it continues this way.  It was a bit creepy.

I realize I didn’t do a good job of giving an update on Rita’s scars.  Let’s just sum it up and say that there are definite issues there.

Pursuing for the Sake of Pursuit?

In a continuation from my last post, because I had nothing better to do, I was browsing the profile of women in the US on this matrimonial site.  Of course, I found a few who would be of interest.

One of the girls I contacted replied back.  We have shared preliminary emails and had a long online chat the other night.  I had suggested I could call her.  She preferred to not talk on the phone quite yet.  So we typed and typed. 

She’s very educated and full of ideas and opinions.  I could certainly have meaningful conversations with her and that’s a great plus.  She’s a self-described highly independent woman, which of course was a major surprise to me!    She’s also quiet liberal as far as a few of her views.

I don’t feel like giving her a name but this referring to her as “she” also sounds a bit weird.  So I better give her a name.  Hmm.  How about Kanika?  Yes, let’s go with that.

Kanika has a strong opinion on gender roles in marriages.  She questions almost every tradition as she put it to me.  She believes in clear division of labor.  The more interesting thing is her views on children.  And, to take it a step further and be more precise, biological children.  First, she questions if she wants to have children at all.  Second, if she does have kids, she is strongly leaning towards adoption.  Kanika feels its better to adopt children who need loving homes rather than bring a child into the world.  She also feels couples can help children without having their own.  Resource-wise, they can travel instead.

It’s been a while since I heard from someone that they don’t want to have children at all.  I have spoken to women who are interested in adopting though.  I think there’s a growing population of women who feel that way.  I told her I had mixed feelings about the whole thing. 

I think there’s something about having children of your own.  It’s not so much about passing on my genes I don’t think, at least not directly.  Heck, with the kinds of diseases my family has had (diabetes, hypertension, glaucoma, etc), I would be doing a favor to humanity to not pass those genes on.  To me, there is something about the whole notion of “your own blood”.  Some will argue, what does that mean!  I say, it means, they’re my blood and everything that that implies!  

I also told her that I do agree that it is a sad where so many children are living in poverty.  They need the help for sure.

The interesting thing is that I am finding myself compromising on this issue already.  I am a practical guy.  I know how old I am.  I know how it gets tougher to meet people as you get older also.  But am I doing myself justice by compromising on having children?  Or, should I really think about it and examine why I really want to have them?  Do I need to have them?  Or is that an academic exercise best left alone to academics and I should proceed with what married people do.

Then there’s the whole issue of gender roles.  Being a guy, we typically don’t question traditional roles because it means we don’t have to do a lot of things.  Quite frankly, it’s to our advantage.  Women naturally question these issues more because they’ve seen how it was in our parents’ generation.  So here’s another issue that doesn’t seem ideal.

Then the big question is – why am I still talking to Kanika?  Why do I want to talk to her?  Yes, there are definite pros.  She’s very well educated and can have meaningful conversations.  Kanika doesn’t seem to be superficial.  She likes the kinds of cities I like.  In fact, she asked me where I would want to live and gave me her preferences also.  Clearly, she was matching that up to see if it worked for her, which I think it did, and I was too.

Am I compromising too much?  Is this what a lot of people do?  If not, do those people remain single?  Have I come to a point where I am okay with a woman that meets basic general criteria and not the majority of them? 

Am I pursuing for the sake of pursuit?  Rationally, Kanika and I have some major differences.  So why do I want to talk with her?  Is it because I’m lonely and I’d rather settle with someone who seems to have some things that match even if there are glaring mismatches also?  Or is this how things are anyway and this is not “settling”?

Anyway, if Kanika and I continue to have more conversations, I’ll let you know how they go.