He’s Just Not That Into You

I saw the new Ben Affleck and Jennifer Aniston movie, “He’s Just Not That Into You”.  It seems like I should call it like that, a “Ben and Jen” thing, but really I’ve never been a big fan of Jennifer or Ben.  It’s not that I dislike either of them, they’re both okay, but I think they’re just too hyped up.  I’ve always liked Drew Barrymore, though, who’s also in the movie.  That girl is just right.

A friend and I caught the evening show.  I met her in late 2007 online.  She was managing a group having to do with cigars.  It’s funny how we didn’t end up meeting until fall of last year sometime and that too for a couple of minutes as she and I were both finishing off the night at clubs that happened to be right across from each other.  We finally met up on Valentine’s a week ago.  She and a few friends were going out and she invited me to come hang out.

The movie deals with reading and misreading signals and signs as young people meet and date.  It also has to do with love and not finding Mr. Right or Ms. Right and dating lessons.  The movie was really from a girl’s perspective, i.e., what does a girl go through when she’s dating.  It was not from the perspective of the thoughts and actions men go through when they meet someone.  So I can’t really do comparisons of myself to scenes from the movie.  Thank God for that! 

As I watched the movie, I was reminded of why I am single.  My problem is twofold.  First, I don’t act as directly as maybe I should when it comes to initiating dating.  Up to now, all women that I’ve had any kind of relationships with, it’s been them initiating it.  The reason for this has to do with the fact that I was just way too focused on ”responsibilities” to even think about dating.  I just wasn’t looking to get into a relationship.  If it fell in my lap, fine, but I wasn’t doing much active searching.

Second, when I was preoccupied with “life”, I missed opportunities when women showed interest because I wasn’t looking to be in a relationship.  I can now see the signals for a couple of the expressed interests I didn’t respond to earlier.  Others, I probably am still not aware of them.  The ones where something did happen was when women were very direct and I couldn’t miss it.

That was then.  Today, I am looking to date.  The problem is still that I don’t make a very direct move if I am interested in a woman.  It’s funny how one person can be so different in different areas of their life.  I’m not shy at work or professional realm but can be very shy in the beginning stages of dating.  Actually, I don’t really know all the rules of dating because I just do what I feel is right at the time, I don’t really follow these cookie cutter rule books that some of my friends do.  I go very slow and am way too subtle, so subtle that the woman may not even get it that I am testing the waters.  I guess I test the waters too gently.  This is definitely not good.  It’s not a fear of rejection as much as the thought that I am imposing on someone something they may not want.  I know they may not necessarily think of it that way, it really depends on the person.  I guess I don’t like doing that with people I barely know (in fact, I think I’m not as free with people as I used to be.  I think I can now only be free with my significant other.)  I know this approach is not going to get me anywhere in dating!

On the other hand, I’ve learned that I respond to flirtation quite well!  When women do the touching of your arm or the many other ways they can flirt, that stuff can get me started.  Yes, sir, continuous flirting activity does get a response from me!  I then will take small steps.  At that point, if the woman is really interested, she’ll also respond positively, and something will start.  When I’m in a relationship, I’m fine.

Going back to my friend who I went to see the movie with, I wonder if she’s interested in me.  I don’t think she is because I’ve asked her quite a few times over the past year that we should hang out and we’ve never done that.  Well, until now.  Obviously, there must be some reason for that.  The most likely reason is that she’s figured out we are just friends and nothing more is even a possibility.  I wonder if anything’s changed on that since now she’s interested in hanging out.  Since I don’t have any reason to think it has, I don’t want to be presumptious either.  I think I wouldn’t mind getting to know her beyond friendship.  She’s a cool girl and we gel well whenever we talk.  But that’s putting the cart before the horse.

I guess we can let this topic be for now and revisit it later if there’s a reason to.  I like hanging out with this girl and am okay with doing just that.  If there’s some reason to think a relationship is in the offing, I’ll take it a step at a time.