The Reader

After I wrote my last entry, I was feeling all screwed up so I called my cigar friend.  Regardless of anything happening, I do feel comfortable talking with her.  I figured at worst, she could cheer me up or I could distract myself.  Then I thought to ask her if she wanted to watch a movie!

We had a couple of choices of movies and ended up watching The Reader.  I had read the summary, if you want to call what I read that, but really didn’t know what it was about.  I just knew it was nominated for the Oscars, that Kate Winslet was in it, and that she had won.  So we ended up watching that.

I think a few of the scenes in the movie must have not been kosher for Indian audiences.  You could tell a handful of scenes were cut by the brief splicing white line that appears on screen and the voice changes.  I hope what we missed didn’t have a material affect on the movie.  And what’s with the splicing anyway?  Come on!

Overall, the movie was good, but not sure why it was nominated for an Oscar.  Maybe it’s the high expectations of watching a movie post-awards.  After the movie, we went back to the same paan wala that we went to yesterday.  This time we got the meetha paan right.  Last night’s didn’t taste all that great.  Turned out to be a good evening.  Next time, we’ll have to do 2 movies at a time.  It’s far to drive for just one show, especially since we end up watching the 1050 to 1100 PM one and there’s nothing to do before or after.  I am so lame sometimes – driving an hour to hour fifteen to watch a two hour (max) movie.  But hey, this is what I do.

As an interesting sidebar – my friend was all dressed up today, more so than the last couple of times we’ve gone to see movies.  I’m not really sure why (maybe because she thought her friends were going to be there?).  She looked good regardless.  I didn’t compliment her because she was wearing a somewhat low-cut top and, well, she’s well-endowed.  I didn’t want it to come off in a bad way, especially since she was more dressed up than usual.  I didn’t want to bring attention to that either.  She mentioned it a couple of times that she was cold.  I then finally said something to acknowledge her attire.  I did go cautious on the compliment thing though.  Maybe I should have said something.  I guess I am unsure of how much more I want to put myself out there if she’s not really interested in me.  A sort of a toss up in my mind right now.  Another topic for another day.  Back to work and then sleep!

Lots Going On

Life is starting to feel a little overwhelming the last few days.  Even my body is rejecting my life!    I’ve had a headache for 3-4 days in a row.  That doesn’t happen.  I am popping two Tylenol’s twice a day to get rid of it.  Initially, I thought it was lack of sleep or not having gotten out of the house.  Then I figured it must be something in the air.  A couple of hours ago, I settled on the fact that there’s a lot going on and it all seems to be reaching climax (though not close to climax).  What else could it be?

So what all is going on that could be causing this?  Multiple things.

Professionally, this is a very busy time.  I have averaged 12 to 14 hour days many times over the last month.  That takes a toll.  I’ve tried to balance that out by taking a day off every once in a while.  I did nothing but read one day and chilled out on a weekend.

But it’s not just the long hours.  There is jockeying going on.  I have worked with this organization for many years and I recently told them that I am looking for a full-time position beginning later this year (as part of my Plan B).  If I was to work with them, I would want a position similar to executive director.  No one else can do what I do.  No one has the relationships with all the stakeholders throughout the country better than I do (or even have them at all).  Worse yet (or better yet) no one can do the work that I do without a significant learning curve.

Unfortunately, the president of this organization tends to favor much older folks for executive director-type positions. They countered with a central position mixed with a regional one because they don’t have the funds right now to do multiple full-time positions, having hired a full-time director for a central role recently.  I understand the financial environment out there today so I do understand fundraising is a big concern.  If I don’t get a position that allows me to build on what I/we have done already (I have tons of ideas), then I will look for work elsewhere.  That is Plan C, which by the way, is through a strong connection and with an individual who is in a position of budgetary control and can make decisions on hiring.  I haven’t yet told Plan B about Plan C because I also partly want to see how much the president wants to make things work for me.  I have paid my dues with the organization on one hand and I have a great deal to offer on the other.  I want to work for them but there’s no doubt they cannot do it without me, at least not immediately (I do believe no one is irreplaceable) and they know that as well.

The difficult situation thing here is that the newly hired director may be out in the cold.  I don’t want him to be out because of me and it bothers me a little bit to have to think he may be in a bad position.  But I also know that I’ve been on the receiving end of those kinds of scenarios in the past where the long-standing employee gets advantages the new guy doesn’t.  That’s how business works.  Now it’s working in my favor.  As much as it bothers me to be the cause of putting a person out, I have to let it work in my favor.  I am letting it do just that although hesitantly.  The thing is that the director has already shown in the past few months that he cannot do the work well.  He has a few advantages that I don’t have too (otherwise he’d be long gone) such as strong external relationships since he’s been in the industry for 50 years and the fact that he was just hired so they don’t want to make him reverse course because it will look bad for both of them.  It’s all starting to come to a climax.  It’ll play out sooner than later and a decision will be reached.  While I am optimistic of opportunities with Plan B, I am now starting the wheels churning on Plan C that I had put on hold about two months ago.  We haven’t discussed salary yet so all of this may be for naught anyway.

So with the long hours and all of this going on in the background the past month to two months, it’s been a lot happening.  It’s not been highly stressful yet but, like I said, it’s building to a climax now.

The third important aspect of life going on, is of course, my personal life.  Sometimes I think my desire to keep my professional and personal life activities happening simultaneously is not such a good idea.  Maybe I should completely put the personal life on hold. But it doesn’t work like that.  I have to push forward on both fronts.

The personal life has more to do with finding “the one” than anything else.  It’s a quest that keeps going nowhere.  I went to go watch “Straight” with my cigar friend yesterday.  It’s an Indian movie about a London-based NRI looking to get hitched.  The NRI becomes confused about potentially being gay because of a string of funny twists.  In the end he marries a woman he met randomly and both of whom fell for each other.  I’m glad I saw the movie because it hammered home a message that I know about myself but hadn’t thought about recently – I can’t marry a woman if I am not in love or if I don’t think the potential for love exists.

I’m glad I watched it because things are in a weird place with my cigar friend.  I like her enough to get to know her more.  I think there’s a good deal of similarity in our personalities and attitudes, well, at least for the most part.  While I try to emphasize our similarities in order to build a common bond, she tends to look at our differences.  I actually hadn’t thought about it until yesterday.  I’m not so sure I like that.  It’s okay to have differences, no one is going to fit perfectly for you and differences keeps you active on many different and fun things in life but the focus needs to be on things that build a positive relationship.

The other issue, and perhaps even a bigger issue at a routine, day-to-day level, is that she likes using reverse psychology apparently.  I didn’t think she was like that, I thought she was fairly straight and direct.  Maybe she isn’t.  And that’s not a good thing at all.  While reverse psychology can work for the short-term, in the long run it will really harm any kind of positive relationship with me.  I don’t do too well with it.  I see it as a form of manipulation rather than a strong foundation that I am looking for (when you know how good it can be, it’s hard to settle for anything else).  So that is definitely not good.  It became apparent to me a few days ago when she mentioned something to this affect.

But the largest of all issues may be the oldest of issues – finances!  We live in different parts of Delhi.  She lives in a very affluent area.  I live in North Delhi.  I like to call it “the village”.  It’s not that I can’t afford to move to Gurgaon but the reality is with the professional opportunities I am pursuing, I am not going to be in India past late summer or early fall, depending on which of the plans ends up happening (A is out of my control now, B is slightly in my control, C is a definite and in my control).  The chances of me staying here are getting less and less as the days go by.  If I do stay here for any extended period of time, I will move to Mumbai.  I won’t be in Delhi.  Gurgaon is an option too but Mumbai is the first choice.

I am hesitant to move because if I move to the US or elsewhere and my mom doesn’t move to the US to stay with my brother, then I would want her living where we are living now.  We live in North Delhi because that’s where my mom’s family is – her sisters, their families, as well as tons of her extended family.  She enjoys it here because of all the family.

The thing about the finances situation is that while things improved on that front the last couple of years, a very large chunk of my savings went to paying for my sister’s wedding a year ago.  So I have to build up the savings again, which I am working on.  The other issue is that when I take one of the professional opportunities I am looking at now, I will then be in an even better position financially.  In fact, I want to buy a house within a year or so.  Unfortunately, when it comes to Indian marriages and all of the stuff that goes with it, people look at what you have now, a criteria which I don’t quite meet.

Maybe I should just close the chapter and be friends with my cigar friend.  I do like hanging out with her and talking with her.  Why get into all romantic mess?  She says she has guys contacting her from US and Canada but then she says she doesn’t like it there either.  She also doesn’t seem to like all the things about Indian people and places that I don’t know about.  Since I haven’t lived here all my life, I have limited knowledge that comes over time.  Putting all the little tidbits together, I should just move on.  I do like her and would want to get to know her over the next few months I’m here.  I really don’t want to turn 35 and be single.  Turning 36 and being single will be worse.  Unfortunately, the bottom line is that while we talk all the time she’s not showing as much interest in me.  She seems to be checking off things that aren’t right with me instead of the other way around.

What is Happening?

In the past three weeks, my cigar friend and I have been spending a lot of time together – either in-person or on the phone.  We have good conversations as well.  Until about a week ago.  The weirdest thing started happening.  It came out of left field.

We would talk during the evening/night and also during the day.  We were on chat at times as well.  Many times, I had initiated the conversations.  But she always was game to talk.  I never got the sense that she didn’t want to speak to me.  You don’t talk two hours at a time 3-5 days a week with someone you don’t want to talk with, not to mention the many shorter conversations in between.

Then about a week ago, she stopped following through – I will call you tomorrow.  I will call you in the evening.  Let’s go watch a movie.  How about going bowling?  Tonight, it was to go to the fashion show happening in Delhi.  Each time, she was to get in touch, each time she disappeared.

Me, perhaps being stupid, called her to see what happened.  I should have taken the hint a week ago.  I shouldn’t have called her.  But to me, that’s what a friend does – if you plan something, one of you will get in touch with the other to figure out the logistics.  Plus, things with my cigar friend were just smooth and comfortable, so it wasn’t an issue for me to do that.

It then started really bothering me.  It’s like those random people I would talk to in India – if they tell you they will call you back in exactly 10 minutes, or 2 minutes, or 30 minutes, it’s code for “I don’t intend to call you back”.

I asked her about this two nights ago.  What was going on?  She said I shouldn’t take it in that way, basically that I shouldn’t feel bad she didn’t call to further our plans.  If she was trying to not talk to me, she wouldn’t make plans with me.  She wouldn’t call me back.  I bought it then.  But now, I’m starting to wonder if this is her way to say she didn’t want to be friends (for a reason I am not fathoming).

I can’t recall the last time this happened to me.  In fact, not sure if it has.  Sure, I’ve lost touch with people.  Sure, people haven’t called me back.  I have done the same thing myself.  But I have never done it with someone who I spoke to for hours at a time, day after day, week after week.  And never done it so abruptly.

I’m lost, confused, and saddened.

Completion of The Snowball

I finally finished The Snowball today!  Wow, what a book!  Reading Warren Buffett’s life story up until late 2007 has been very revealing.  It is not a book on financial principles or how to pick a stock, it is truly a book on “how to live life” as Warren Buffett sees it.

I am now tempted to read it again.  The first time through was really because I wanted to read the book completely through.  This time I think I will make notes as I read.  Notes on funny quotes, because Warren made a bunch of them, as well as life principles and financial lessons.

Saturday Reading – The Snowball

It seems like forever since I had as good a Saturday as yesterday.  What did I do?  I read and read and read.  Then I slept!

I have been one of the legions of fans that Warren Buffett has in this world.  Up until now, there really hasn’t been a biography on him.  He doesn’t intend to write an auto-biography either, I think I had read somewhere at some point.  The Snowball came out late last year and I had purchased it late last year.

About a month ago, I started reading through it.  And I was immediately captivated.  The story of Warren and his quirks on math, businesses, money, family, and views on investing got a hold of me right away.  I am a big fan of biographies and auto-biographies as it is and I have to say this is one of the better ones I have read.  I have finished just about half of the 900-odd page book.

I like The Snowball for many reasons:

a) It’s a glimpse into the making of the richest man in the world – personally and professionally.  And the two lives are intertwined so well in the book!

b) Warren’s quirks as a kid and even as an adult are fascinating.  He was running businesses as a teenager.  He was making tons of money too!  But it’s not just the fact he was doing this, it’s the way he went about it.  The many stories are quite endearing.

c) Warren may be an extremist in his desire for finding a deal or not spending money, but the many lessons are worth knowing about.  I can then apply what I want in my own life.  More than any other biography I have read, Warren’s life has lessons definitely worth applying.  I don’t think being as frugal as Warren is good though.

d) I found there are many similarities in personality between Mr. Buffett and myself and many differences also, of course.  He’s smart as hell.  I am normally satisfied with who I am but, man, I wish I had this guy’s ability to memorize numbers – from balance sheets of companies to all kinds of other important ratios.

If you enjoy learning about business leaders, this is a must read!