Lots Going On!

It’s been a very busy spring – work and personal life both.  I logged in  a few times thinking I will write, but then I got side tracked with something more pressing.

Because I haven’t written in a while and because this blog is all about my views as a 1.5 Generation Indian, why don’t I talk about that.

My cigar friend and I have been spending a lot of time together recently.  With work slowing down since the beginning of June, I have made many “trips” to hang out with her (45 minutes to an hour one way).  We’ve had a few arguments (one major argument and I called the relationship off) but we’ve kept going.  Things are generally going well.

This past Saturday, my cigar friend’s mom was interested in going to a rain dance party at her local club.  In India, people hang out at “clubs”.  These were the in things, and still are, before pubs and restaurants came up all over the country.  You would go to your local club, which requires membership, for dinner, maybe an event or two, gymming, swimming, etc.  It is a social hang out place as well where you meet people from the vicinity.

This is the second (or is it third?) time I’ve met aunty.  I like the fact that she’s very talkative.  I like talkative people.  We hung out at the club and it was fun.  I had a good time.  I was tired all day that day and towards the evening/night it was definitely happening more so.  I think they understood.

Anyhow, to the 1.5 Generation Indian discussion: my cigar friend and I have been talking since early this year about getting out of town.  We said we would go to Amritsar, Dharamshala, Jim Corbett, Kasauli, Lansdowne, and maybe even a few other places.  We haven’t made it out yet.  Well, until this week that is.   You see, the issue is that my cigar friend’s mom doesn’t feel it is appropriate for her to go on a trip with just a guy.  There has to be a group and that group should have at least one other girl.  If my cigar friend is to go on trips with a guy, she should get married and then go, according to her mom.  If she was not in India, her mom would not care if she went on a trip.

Being Indian and living in India, I somewhat understand her concerns.  For a girl to go with a guy on a trip can be scandalous I suppose if someone “bad” finds out and makes an issue out of it or spreads it around.  It is easier outside of India for many reasons.  However, I disagree with the idea that a girl should get married first and then go out on these trips with her husband, a discussion I have had with my cigar friend multiple times.

You see, to me with the 1.5 Generation Indian outlook, I cannot marry someone until I have spent a good deal of time with them.  This includes local hanging out and talking (all kinds of talking).  It also includes trips.  You get away from the hustle bustle of city life and get to hang out in a different environment.  The journey is also fun.  It gives you a chance to bond.  Or to come across differences in how you approach things.  Past trips with friends have shown that there’s nothing like a road trip or a trip in general that can show people’s personalities and how much you get along with them or don’t get along with them.  (My reason for getting out of town isn’t just to bond or identify differences with my cigar friend, the root reason is really just to get out and see more of India, to travel, to absorb, to unwind after working like a dog for seven months.  My nerves were fried!  I needed to get out of Delhi!  But it also meets this other objective as well, indirectly).

My cigar friend’s mom believes people should get married and then do whatever they want to.  That is how it was in her generation.  That is how it still is with many people.  From having grown up in the States, that is not how I am used to things.  I could do it if I had to but I really would much rather avoid that kind of situation.  Maybe if had stayed in India all my life and had no Western exposure, I would be thinking along those same lines.  While I think differently on this issue, it is also true that I can understand where my cigar friend’s mom is coming from.  The thinking is not foreign to me.  To some extent, I am somewhat torn about it.  But only somewhat.  In this situation, I do think it’s fine to travel.  (I say all that now that it’s me and my cigar friend.  If we fast-forwarded life it was my own daughter, I may have a very different viewpoint!)

Anyway, as you may have surmised, things are going well with my cigar friend.  I could see it working out long term.  There are some “glitches” that need to be overcome (tit-for-tat and copying behaviors annoys the heck out of me).  There are also a few other issues that need to be sorted out.  It’s a relationship in progress and going the right direction though.

So, what else have I been doing?  The professional front has also been very busy.  It has also been stressful to some degree.  I am just finishing my contract work with an organization.  We are in talks for a long-term full-time job.  There are political factors being considered.  There are also financial factors.  I am looking to do what I’ve been doing and much more with the organization and to do it full-time.  I have told them that if the role I want is not doable or the finances don’t work, I will not be continuing forward with them any further.  It’s a tricky situation because the president of the organization needs to put in much less time.  Without me, he can’t really do that.  I know that and he knows that and that bothers him.  I am also very clear on what I want (I am not moving to the States unless I get a full-time job and if it’s with this same organization, then a very specific role).  The next few days may decide this as I’ve told them I don’t want to string this along too much further.