Finally – My Long Lost NRI Returned Brother

I’ve found my NRI-returned-to-India long-lost brother!  That’s right, folks, it appears that I have hit upon a guy who will keep me sane because he’s going through the same crap I am!  It’s been a while since I came across someone who was humorous, intelligent, had the ability to make a good philosophical point, and, most importantly, someone who’s experiences I could relate to!  Tonight, I found one such soul - neoIndian – also a non-resident Indian (NRI) who returned to India.

Here are a couple of Neo’s posts that are right on the money:

a) Return to India myth #2.  Neo is absolutely right when he says the following:

Perhaps the most unsettling realization for Neo after his return to India has been this: For the rest of his life, he will almost certainly feel different from the local population – no matter where he stays in the world.

It’s the same for yours truly!  Damn!  Double damn!

b) Return to India myth #5. 

But yes, two years after moving to Bangalore, it’s been a “challenge” (don’t you just love euphemistic management jargon?) for the Neos to diversify their friends circle away from other US-returned people.

Neo’s neighbors (many of whom have never lived outside India), would be a great natural addition to his list of friends (and be a great source of convenient next-door play dates for Junior), but there are huge differences.

Granted Neo and his reasons for the differences are not the same as mine, the fact remains that what he says is absolutely right and relevant for my situation too.  I would love to build friendships with my neighbors and my cousins.  I’ve tried!  Unfortunately, I cannot completely (don’t you just love my ability to put a positive spin on things?) relate to the folks I meet here, even someone like my cigar friend.  My family keeps heckling me, much like they heckle Neo apparently, which I have to admit I am having great pleasure in knowing about.  (Alright, alright, keep your panties on – it’s not a sick pleasure.  I feel his pain.  It’s just nice to be reminded that others are going through the same thing every once in a while!)  Worse than my neighbors and cousins is trying to understand the people in the village of North Delhi and to try to get them to understand me.  To think only folks with a certain background will “get me” and accept me for who I am is truly sad.

(As an aside, my c.f. has recently been telling me that I need to be Indian since I’m living in India.  The other day, in quite an angry manner I must add, she said either I behave like Indians or I should leave India.  I was a bit flabbergasted to tell you the truth!  I had never had someone tell me in such serious terms that I should leave the country!  Unfortunately, I cannot do either right now.  This much is true, though, large degree of adoption of Indian behavior will never be possible for me.)

Now, where do I find other US-returned people in New Delhi?  In fact, last few weeks I have thinking of just that – meeting new people.  I thought maybe I can move near the sports complex in South Delhi and use sports as the medium.  Meeting people in The Village (henceforth, my term for North Delhi) is not an option.  I know I will have better luck hanging out with the crowd in a village in Rajasthan.  I might be able to make South Delhi work (okay, it’s sort of like the round peg in the square box thinking I’m following here, but you have to give me kudos for my very positive attempt of faking my reality into reality). 

Bombay is possible.  It’s a thought that again tried its damndest to shift its way from the back of my mind to the front a few days ago.  I didn’t let it hang around very long, I pushed it right back.  I can’t possibly make a move to Bombay at this time.  It has taken me two years and I’m finally familiar with Delhi.  I have a sense of the good and bad parts of town.  I know the places to hang out.  I can’t go back to square one again!  Or can I?  Should I think about this?

North American Indian Sense of Humor

I had a blast at the Big Laugh show this past week.  Papa CJ opened the show.  The guy isn’t very funny.  In fact, he wasn’t funny at all.  I wanted to have a good time and wanted the crowd to get into it.  I was even force-laughing just so I could psyche myself into enjoying.  You know, sometimes you have to get the engines started.  Unfortunately, it just didn’t happen.  Thank God, Papa CJ wasn’t the main comedian for the night.  I was surprised that this guy named Sugar Sammy was the main act.

Sugar Sammy, if you haven’t heard about him like I hadn’t until last week, is an Indian from Canada.  He’s Punjabi to boot!  The guy was good, relevant, and funny.  He saved the night from being a disaster.  One of the first things you noticed about Sammy was that he was enjoying himself!  Papa CJ was sort of just there, you know just around, not really having fun.  He was trying a bit too hard.  It seemed like he was waiting for the audience to get him riled up.  The comedian needs to get the audience engaged and not the other way around!  And the audience can tell if the performer is enjoying himself or not!  The little matter of the material being good also makes a difference!

I thought Sammy was funny probably because I could relate to the things he was joking about.  He made fun of Punjabis and how when we curse, we use half the words and eat the other half.  There was stuff on hajmola (it’s used to cure every ailment).  He made fun of the Kamasutra (why are the pictures not pictures but drawings?).  There were  lines about a Punjabi guy making love.  He talked about dating a Lebanese woman.  His humor was from the perspective of a non-Indian Indian, hands down, no doubts about it.  He reminded me of Russell Peters in a way and even more so now that I reflect back on the show. 

At the end of the show, I went up to tell him he was great.  I had expected to hear Papa CJ and I got treated to a North American Indian doing comedy in India.  If you get a chance to catch his show, you should.

Swimming in 1.9 Meters

After many days, I went swimming today!  It’s something I enjoyed doing as a kid even if I was scared of drowning.  I still get a bit queasy about hitting the deep end and looking down down down at that bottomless floor!  But I still do it.  I guess it’s normal anxiety.

Your swimming options work like so in New Delhi – either you are a member of a club or you pay-per-use.  We were members of a few decent clubs, one with affiliations throughout the country, but my mom didn’t renew the membership even after my many requests for her to do so.  The Delhi Development Authority (DDA) has a few “public” sports complexes spread out throughout the city.  These facilities do require membership but it’s easy enough to get as opposed to the other clubs where you could be on the waiting list for many years.

So I went to a nearby DDA sports facility today.  They have strict timings, unfortunately.  Mornings are from 6am to 10am.  Evenings go from 4pm to 9pm.  The catch though is that you can only swim for 45 minutes at one go, regardless of the number of people in the pool!  I didn’t like that too much.  It would have been great if it was 1 hour 30 minutes.  That would have been just the perfect time.  But theek hai, 45 minutes is good too.  I can always pay for two continuous slots if I want.  They may make me get out of the pool, sit around for 15 minutes, and then re-enter.

I thought about swimming a few months ago when it was hot as heck in Delhi.  I was seriously craving a pool.  I didn’t make it due to a busy work schedule and a busy time heading down to meet my cigar friend.  Things have slowed down on both ends so I finally got out my arse out there.  The DDA pools close end of September until April each year.  I may not find another location to hit but I intend to make it for the next three weeks as much as I can.  Good exercise!

I guess I should say something about the 1.9 meters in the subject, as if you haven’t figured it out.  The pool goes from 0.9 meters in the shallow end to 1.9 in the deep end.  That’s just over 6 feet.  It’s a very long pool.  It seems like it’s olympic size or maybe even longer. 

The water in Delhi is a bit slippery.  Or, to be more precise, the water causes the sides/floors of the container, whether it be a bucket in the house or a pool, to be slippery.  I’m not quite sure what causes this.  I know the water is “hard”.  That doesn’t quite explain it but that’s all I’ve got.  When I got in the pool - which, by the way I have to say, the water was of perfect temperature, not at all cold or even cool, it was just right – and tried walking, the bottom of my feet slid on the floor.  It’s not that I couldn’t stand or keep my balance.  I may even be able to do fast walking if I tried.  But there was definitely a bit of slippin-and-slidin’ going on too.

So what did I do in the pool?  Well, the first 15 minutes or so I was just getting acclimated to the water.  I waddled around.  I put my head under water.  I guess out of habit, when I got back up, I shook my head to get rid of the excess water out of my hair to stop it from falling in my eyes.  A second later I realized I shave my head!  I had to smile at my own lameness.  You can make a man bald but you can’t take the full head of hair out of him!

I immediately realized I need goggles.  The chlorine wasn’t bad but it I could use a pair to protect the eyes.  It seemed like everyone (the 10 people or so there at the time) was wearing them.  The men had caps on too.  And the swimming trunks – well, they were wearing real trunks, the real short kind Michael Phelps wears.  Okay, I guess they were a bit longer.  Just a tad bit.  They definitely weren’t the regular shorts guys wear in the States when they go swimming, you know, the ones that sometimes go to the knees.  That’s India and the British influence for you.  Everything has to be proper.  The women wore the full piece swimming suits.  I wasn’t expecting to see any bikinis, not that there were any young women out there.  The timing what it was, there were only a couple of aunties, which by the way, I thought was awesome.  Good to see them do some exercising!

I swum around for a bit but was doing more people watching for the first 15 minutes.  I then decided to swim the width as much as I could.  I ended up doing about 6 widths, on and off, stopping half way, enjoying the fact that I was in the water, then getting started again.  I went swimming as much out of recreation as for exercising.  Still, there’s no harm in making it burn a few calories!

The water is your friend.  You don’t have to fight with water, just share the same spirit as the water, and it will help you move – Aleksandr Popov

When I go out and race, I’m not trying to beat opponents, I’m trying to beat what I have done…to beat myself, basically.  People find that hard to believe because we’ve had such a bias to always strive to win things.  If you win something and you haven’t put everything into it, you haven’t actually achieved anything at all.  When you’ve had to work hard for something and you’ve got the best you can out of yourself on that given day, that’s where you get satisfaction from.  – Ian Thorpe

I’m Gonna Laugh My Arse Off Tonight!

I’m sooo looking forward to the Big Laugh show coming into town!  Wooo hooo!  I get to go to a comedy show!  Yeee haaaw!  Can you tell I’m excited?

India is catching up to the international comedy scene.  Okay, we’re far behind, but we’re working on it.  We have had Russell Peters for quite some time.  I had never heard of this guy, Papa CJ, so I googled him, but apparently he’s another.  I saw a video of him doing sets in the UK and a short one in the US.  His material isn’t as good as Peters’ stuff but it seems funny.  I like Peters because almost all the stuff he talks about, it’s familiar and so it’s all hilarious.  He throws things at you that you experienced or heard from friends growing up.  That’s my 1.5GI side tilted towards Americana!

Back in the States (yes, I can now officially say, by a standard of officiality** I just conjured up, ”back in the…” referring to the US when I’m in India and India when I’m in the US), I’ve seen comedy shows in many cities.  I went to the Laugh Factoryin Hollywood a decade plus ago.  Yes, this is THE Laugh Factory, the same place that turned out Richard Pryor, Jamie Foxx, Jim Carrey, etc.  Apparently, it was ranked the number one comedy show by USA Today.  That’s a pretty big deal.  I’ve also seen a few shows in Boston and in New York.  It’s nice to check one out in India now too.  I hope the comedians keep circling out this way.  Finally, there’s something more to do than watch a movie! 

As an aside, let me tell you about “things to do” in Delhi.  Delhi is a happening city but the variety is limited.  It’s usually a club or a movie.  There is a pool hall but no one seems to go to it.  And that’s really the only one unless you count the people who have them set up in their basements and allow you to play for a nominal charge (i.e., not gonna happen for me) or the place visited by a skanky crowd.  Bowling places opened and then shut down.  A new place opened up about six months or so ago at Ambi Mall in Gurgaon.  There are many cultural shows and plays happening, which I should go to more often.

Hah, but what do I care what all is there to do in Delhi (this week), I’m gonna go catch a comedy show!  Bring on the laughs!

** My standard of officiality has to do with the longevity of inhabiting a country.  I habitated the US for a decade and a half.  I can therefore refer to America as “back there”.  I grew up in India till I was a teenager.  (Much) more importantly, I’ve been here the over-the-hump-period of two years!  So Hindustan qualifies too!

Indian Philanthropy and Social Development

I have been researching the education sector in India on-and-off since I came here two years ago.  The last few weeks, I’ve been spending a good deal of time on it.  Education for all is one of those things that I have a soft spot for in my heart.  Healthcare is right up there as well with my shift towards “ed”, and higher ed specifically, happening over the past few years.

India is going through massive changes, as we all know.  This is true in every area of life.  The transition to the knowledge economy, however, is stunted by the fact that India does not have the skilled workforce it requires.  In fact, there is a dearth of talent.  Students graduating from college are not equipped with the skills the industry is demanding.  Because of such a high growth trajectory the past few years, what has also happened is that the young are promoted to ever-increasing managerial responsibilities while not having the experience or training to meet the requirements of the new position.

There is a need to dramatically reform all levels of education – from primary to college.  Freshers (students who have just graduated with their Bachelor’s) are in need for improved learning as part of their education.  Young professionals require training.  There’s a lot that needs to be done.  I’m not talking about going from good to great.  I’m talking about bare bones necessity to a moderate level of functioning in most cases.

Along those lines, I have been scratching to start a new business providing education and training services.  I initially thought about doing it as a nonprofit (the specific services I’m talking about are generally seen as falling into that sector) because it has many advantages that come with it. The problem is that those advantages may be flipped on its rear-end here in India because of the country’s general stance and lack of interest in philanthropy.  Take a look at this article by Dean Nelson in the UK Telegraph.  It hits the issue on its head.  Indians donate but only to religion.  They do not donate to the social development sector.

Because of the general negative view of philanthropic donations to nonprofits in India (not that it doesn’t come with some good historical reasons), I thought about setting up my business as a for profit entity.  In India, you require about two years to get a business off the ground.  In the US, the general recommendation is to have 6 months to 9 months, maybe a year, of expenses saved up.  The gestation period in India is longer unfortunately.  Because I fear an unlimited (2 plus year) time frame before I can earn a good deal, I have not ventured out into starting the business.  My preliminary research and discussions with potential clients, not to mention a study of the state of the country and industry, convinces me the market is there if I get started.  I might need to do a little selling to a few folks as far as paying for it (which is another reason I want to do it as a nonprofit, I think it’s more likely to work).

While researching and reading, I came across the issue of Indian philanthropy.  It’s indeed a sad fact that in a country with such great needs, an increasingly well-to-do middle class, and many with large amounts of disposable money, regular giving is foreign to people.  I’ve been giving since I was a fresher in the US, much longer than many of my much older family members have done here.  It’s just something you did growing up.  In fact, the academic and professional world considers volunteering and community service a critical piece of the selection process for each subsequent step.  Those who have done it get selected and those who haven’t don’t.

That leads me to another aspect of giving back, whether in the form of philanthropy or the notion of civic service.  There is a huge amount of apathy towards community service.  People do not volunteer.  No one does it.  Students don’t do it in high school or college.  They’d rather do awaragaddi (basically goof around).  Professionals do not do it either.  The community service that does happen usually has to do again with religion or perhaps something like an alumni association of a person’s university.    The goal is to achieve recognition in the community or to get a post in the leadership of the alumni group.  The goal is not service to the people who really need it.  I guess that’s not so different than in the States but it just feels different.  Maybe it’s because of the lack of it here and the prevalence of it there.  I’m not so young or naive to say, as perhaps I did years ago, that some level of self-interest is not acceptable.  Too much is not good and this is where we are in India today as far as civic engagement is concerned.

Update on September 5, 2009:

It’s nice to see prominent people in India take active steps towards social change that needs to happen.  I was reading today’s Mint newspaper and saw a Joy of Giving Week has been planned in the country!  Good stuff!  Jai Ho!