Has It Been A Month? Teddy Is Here!

How time flies!?! I cannot believe it’s been a month since I posted.  There’s lots that’s happened in that timeframe.  Maybe I’ll give an update in the next post.  For now, let me just say that I’m starting my business, things are going well with my cigar friend (after a very difficult couple of weeks leading to lots of adjustments), and it’s almost winter (i.e., Delhi summer is almost over…even though you still need the AC because it still gets very hot).

What I will talk about, though, is Teddy.  I have had Teddy for two weeks now.  He’s our mixed-Indian breed pup.  We got him two weeks ago from a pound, which in this case was someone’s apartment!  He was five or six weeks old then, depending on who you listen to.  We decided he was born in the last week of August, or more specifically, the beginning of the last week of August.  He’s seriously a handful!  It’s like having a human baby running around but you can never forget he’s also an animal.  He teeths like we’re familiar human babies do.  He also has feelings and emotions.  He gets hurt when you discipline him but you know it’s best for him and for you in the long-run.  It’s also the only way possible he’d be able to live with us.  That gives you mixed feelings sometimes but you also know you have to do it.  Like one of the many many articles I’ve read say: for a dog, it’s about exercise, discipline, and affection.  In that order!

I’ll put some pictures up soon!  Till then, hope you’re well!

Aane Wala Pal Jaane Wala Hai

My dad was one of those guys who rarely let life get him down.  He had his share of lows, probably more than many others in fact, but he was still the life of the party until the last year or two before he passed away.  I recall many people commenting on his outgoing nature growing up as a kid.  One of my friends posted a song on Orkut the other day.  I have put up the video below.  It is one of my favorite songs of all time.  The singer is Kishore Kumar, who also ranks high in my list.  The song is called Aane Wala Pal Jaane Wala Hai.

The song’s title translates to “the upcoming moment is about to be gone, try to spend your life in it because it’s about to go”.  In many ways, I have not done that.  I have become more aware of that in the last two months than before.  This may be because my life was going fine before coming to India and after being here, it could be better described as being on pause.  In the States, I was meeting people, making friends, doing things.  In India, I don’t know anyone except my cigar friend.  Literally, no one.  (It’s an enigma of life how one person is sufficient to keep you occupied yet it doesn’t seem like that is possible.)

I have thought about this before but now it seems more pressing and more real.  I believe I did what most conscientious and in-the-moment people would do.  When you have limited money, you are careful where you spend it.  You can’t do the same things your friends do.  When you’re very tight on cash, you can do even less, especially when you send it to your family in India and your brother in the States could call you at any moment needing help, which he did/does frequently.  That’s one issue.

A second issue is running into problems with people due to things that happened in your life, whether things were your fault or not.  Being involved in a bad situation is enough to cause you difficulty because everyone has to keep mentioning it.  You can’t escape it because people won’t let you.  It’s hard to move “normally” with your life when it’s not normal.

But then the question arises, does any of this matter?  Is there a way to transcend all of this with my attitude?  Could I be somewhat like my dad and not worry about money?  Sure, he had major cash problems and he and his family paid severe consequences because of it.  But does that matter?  Should I take on the attitude that “everything will be fine” and let me continue being jolly and happy?  I’ve told myself I will never be in the kind of financial problems that he had because I will not put my family through that.  I’ve done everything people expected me to do.

When people are giving me shit, besides ignoring it as much as I do and can, is there more that can be done?  Can I embrace it even if embracing it means it will be as if I am accepting fault?  Am I capable of executing a personality that I can side-step all of that and yet not be hindered or stopped by it?  Is it possible that over time and my interactions with people, the issues will reduce?  Experience suggests that is not possible in India with Indian people.  Then why does it feel like it is possible?

Life can only be lived in the moment.  You can plan and you should, but it can only be executed in the present.  The trick is while you are executing it, you should enjoy it too.  How do I do that?  Do I acknowledge it all or do I ignore it all?  Do I have it in me to be able to do both?  Can I have my cake and eat it too?  Do I try, like I have before, and risk being pushed back down again?  Do I risk that emotional toll?  Am I willing to put my all into it?  My fear is that I’ve done it enough times before that if I try again wholeheartedly and I’m not successful, I’m going to completely lose myself.  I’ve been there before too and I know I won’t survive it a second time.

What I know is that I am not happy.  The truth is that the present situation has been so lengthy, I can’t remember being happy.  I am not unhappy today, I’ve gone past that and life is stagnant more than anything, but I am certainly not as carefree as I was.  The absence of something doesn’t mean it’s opposite exists.  Does that trump everything else and mean I should risk it and try out a complete change of approach?  I want to.  Believe me I do.  I just don’t know if I have it in me to try.  Nor do I know if I even should.

On A Meaningful Life: Justice Sandra Day O’Connor

Justice Sandra Day O’Connor spoke on the Stanford campus about her life and the lessons she drew from it.  It’s worth the watch.  By the end of it, she was ready to scadaddle!

Iacocca: An Autobiography

My interest in learning and reading from the world’s leaders continues.  There was an old copy of Iacocca: An Autobiography in the house.  I think my brother (or maybe my dad) bought it years ago.  I may have even purchased it and don’t recall.  As I cleaned out junk from the house, there it was.  And, of course, I set it aside.

The book details through Lee Iacocca’s life up until the mid-80s when he was president of Chrysler.  It talks about his interest in cars, his entry and rise at Ford, and the move to Chrysler.  The book outlines his professional life in a good level of detail.  The thing missing in it, though, are the lessons learned.  He mentions them but they are mostly in passing.  There is limited sharing of his own philosophies of life, which I believe is a key piece missing in a successful businessman’s autobiography.  Nonetheless, it’s worth a read (and it’s a quick one at that).

Lots Going On!

It’s been a very busy spring – work and personal life both.  I logged in  a few times thinking I will write, but then I got side tracked with something more pressing.

Because I haven’t written in a while and because this blog is all about my views as a 1.5 Generation Indian, why don’t I talk about that.

My cigar friend and I have been spending a lot of time together recently.  With work slowing down since the beginning of June, I have made many “trips” to hang out with her (45 minutes to an hour one way).  We’ve had a few arguments (one major argument and I called the relationship off) but we’ve kept going.  Things are generally going well.

This past Saturday, my cigar friend’s mom was interested in going to a rain dance party at her local club.  In India, people hang out at “clubs”.  These were the in things, and still are, before pubs and restaurants came up all over the country.  You would go to your local club, which requires membership, for dinner, maybe an event or two, gymming, swimming, etc.  It is a social hang out place as well where you meet people from the vicinity.

This is the second (or is it third?) time I’ve met aunty.  I like the fact that she’s very talkative.  I like talkative people.  We hung out at the club and it was fun.  I had a good time.  I was tired all day that day and towards the evening/night it was definitely happening more so.  I think they understood.

Anyhow, to the 1.5 Generation Indian discussion: my cigar friend and I have been talking since early this year about getting out of town.  We said we would go to Amritsar, Dharamshala, Jim Corbett, Kasauli, Lansdowne, and maybe even a few other places.  We haven’t made it out yet.  Well, until this week that is.   You see, the issue is that my cigar friend’s mom doesn’t feel it is appropriate for her to go on a trip with just a guy.  There has to be a group and that group should have at least one other girl.  If my cigar friend is to go on trips with a guy, she should get married and then go, according to her mom.  If she was not in India, her mom would not care if she went on a trip.

Being Indian and living in India, I somewhat understand her concerns.  For a girl to go with a guy on a trip can be scandalous I suppose if someone “bad” finds out and makes an issue out of it or spreads it around.  It is easier outside of India for many reasons.  However, I disagree with the idea that a girl should get married first and then go out on these trips with her husband, a discussion I have had with my cigar friend multiple times.

You see, to me with the 1.5 Generation Indian outlook, I cannot marry someone until I have spent a good deal of time with them.  This includes local hanging out and talking (all kinds of talking).  It also includes trips.  You get away from the hustle bustle of city life and get to hang out in a different environment.  The journey is also fun.  It gives you a chance to bond.  Or to come across differences in how you approach things.  Past trips with friends have shown that there’s nothing like a road trip or a trip in general that can show people’s personalities and how much you get along with them or don’t get along with them.  (My reason for getting out of town isn’t just to bond or identify differences with my cigar friend, the root reason is really just to get out and see more of India, to travel, to absorb, to unwind after working like a dog for seven months.  My nerves were fried!  I needed to get out of Delhi!  But it also meets this other objective as well, indirectly).

My cigar friend’s mom believes people should get married and then do whatever they want to.  That is how it was in her generation.  That is how it still is with many people.  From having grown up in the States, that is not how I am used to things.  I could do it if I had to but I really would much rather avoid that kind of situation.  Maybe if had stayed in India all my life and had no Western exposure, I would be thinking along those same lines.  While I think differently on this issue, it is also true that I can understand where my cigar friend’s mom is coming from.  The thinking is not foreign to me.  To some extent, I am somewhat torn about it.  But only somewhat.  In this situation, I do think it’s fine to travel.  (I say all that now that it’s me and my cigar friend.  If we fast-forwarded life it was my own daughter, I may have a very different viewpoint!)

Anyway, as you may have surmised, things are going well with my cigar friend.  I could see it working out long term.  There are some “glitches” that need to be overcome (tit-for-tat and copying behaviors annoys the heck out of me).  There are also a few other issues that need to be sorted out.  It’s a relationship in progress and going the right direction though.

So, what else have I been doing?  The professional front has also been very busy.  It has also been stressful to some degree.  I am just finishing my contract work with an organization.  We are in talks for a long-term full-time job.  There are political factors being considered.  There are also financial factors.  I am looking to do what I’ve been doing and much more with the organization and to do it full-time.  I have told them that if the role I want is not doable or the finances don’t work, I will not be continuing forward with them any further.  It’s a tricky situation because the president of the organization needs to put in much less time.  Without me, he can’t really do that.  I know that and he knows that and that bothers him.  I am also very clear on what I want (I am not moving to the States unless I get a full-time job and if it’s with this same organization, then a very specific role).  The next few days may decide this as I’ve told them I don’t want to string this along too much further.